Is Your Man Living Up to His Potential?

Man's potential

The other day I asked my husband: “Do you think you’re being the best man you could be?” He thought about it for awhile and responded “No”.  I appreciated his honesty and it opened up a discussion in which we both were able to share without judgment or shame.  It gave me the opportunity to express how I was feeling and to let go of any resentment I felt towards him.  I was more sympathetic to his adjust to civilian life following his recent deployment.

I know that getting angry and being critical (a sad attempt to motivate him) was causing us to have more arguments and creating an unbalance in our marriage and family.  Asking him this simple question (and giving him time to respond) gave him a safe space to be honest about what he needed to do in his life. It also brought an awareness to what I can and can not control.

We need the men in our lives to flourish because they are the role models for our sons. It is important to me that my husband sees himself through God’s eyes. If he loses hope and faith, our sons lose hope and faith.

As women, sometimes we see that the men in lives have either lost their way or are discouraged and we feel the need to steer them in the right
direction.  It’s not our job to make our men be their best, they have to  want to do it on their own. We have to be sensitive to their vulnerability but we can’t be responsible for their actions and  behavior. Your partner needs to have his own purpose in life. What we can do is address our concerns and have realistic expectations of them.  When we start dictating to them how they should think, behave and feel, we stop being partners and start becoming mothers.

I know and understand my role as wife . I’m here to hold my husband accountable and to support him when he is not thriving.

 

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One Response to Is Your Man Living Up to His Potential?

  1. Christina says:

    Great post, Marie. I’m in a similar situation, minus the catharsis, with my fiancé. He’s a man of simple pleasures, and after a long day at work, he wants only to, in his words, ” vegetate”. I hate that word. It implies, “mindlessness”…so I swiftly pounce, telling him, how short life is, and he’s wasting the best part (the part when you *leave* work), on a dull routine, built around stupid sitcoms, then off to bed. However, I’m slowly realizing, that, what I see as a character flaw, is simply, his personality. Is it my job to change a grown mans personality? No. Though I still resent attending many social events without him, (friends & family fill the gap), constantly criticizing him will not improve things.

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